Every love story has its sacrifices.
Where I came from
I grew up in a home where birthdays and holidays were big, joyful celebrations. My quinceañera was one I’ll never forget. I wore a white lace Cinderella dress and a white lace veil outlined in pink. Fourteen damas, the girls in my court, walked beside me in pink dresses, carrying white lace umbrellas. Some were my primas and others my friends, and I’m still connected with many of them today. There was a church ceremony, a dinner, and a reception with a live Spanish band.
A quinceañera celebrates a girl becoming a young woman, and in my home, that meant I could start dating. Two weeks later, I brought a boy home to meet my parents. To everyone’s surprise, my dad already knew his family. His grandfather and uncles had been my dad’s hang-out buddies when my parents first moved to Wisconsin. But that’s a story for another Sunday.
Where he came from
That boy grew up the opposite. Because of his family’s religious beliefs, he didn’t celebrate much of anything: no birthday parties, no big holiday dinners.
So when we became one, some of the traditions I loved couldn’t continue the way they always had. Many people saw that as a big sacrifice. Honestly, I never really looked at it that way. Instead, we celebrated any day we wanted and made it extra special. That’s how we raised our daughter.
And sometimes he surprised me. For my 30th birthday, which wasn’t the norm for him, he gave me a pair of Cartier glasses with real diamonds set into them. I’m 55 now, and I still wear them. They’ve had a few new prescriptions and a search across several cities to find the right hands to restore them, but they’re a classic and worth every bit of it. A gift like that from a man who never grew up celebrating birthdays means even more.
Christmas Wreath and Classic Cartier eye glasses
What this year’s holidays look like
While we were raising our daughter, the big holidays weren’t part of our life. Over the years, we’ve found our way back to them: decorating for Thanksgiving and Christmas, cooking special dinners, and spending them with family, just like when I was growing up.
What’s different is who’s around the table. Growing up, it was my immediate family: Mom and Dad, my brothers and sisters, and my nieces and nephews. Today our family is spread across the map. Thanksgiving might be in Georgia with my husband’s cousins, or a flight down south to be with my sister and my nieces and nephews there. For Christmas, it’s back to the mountains to spend it with my girls. Maybe we’ll even have a white Christmas this year.
I found two bare wreaths at a thrift shop, picked up decorations at the Dollar Tree, and made two wreaths myself. They turned out beautiful, and this weekend they’re going up. I’ve seen so many pricey wreaths in stores, and mine look just as nice, maybe nicer, for about $25. You don’t have to spend a lot to make something beautiful. Sometimes the things you make with your own hands mean the most.
And then there are the tamales. They don’t usually get made on Christmas Eve anymore, but whenever I’m down south, I manage to convince my nieces to make them with me. It’s tradition. I remember my mom making them with all of us helping around the table, and somehow that warm, fuzzy feeling comes right back every time we gather to make them.
For the young women reading this
When you choose a partner, you become one. There will be changes, and maybe some sacrifices. Not everything can continue the way it was, and that’s okay.
Cherish the old traditions. Let some of them go, and keep the ones that matter most to you. Then build new ones together, so your adult life feels like your own.
Through every change, one thing has stayed the same for me: the importance of family.
For the women my age
Did you go through this too?
Maybe not my story exactly, but I’d guess most of us gave something up along the way. Maybe it was a tradition from your childhood home, a holiday done “the way Mom always did it,” or a version of yourself you set aside for a season. And somewhere along the way, I’d bet you built something new in its place: a new tradition, a new table, a new way of gathering the people you love.
I’d love to hear about yours. What did you let go of, and what did you build instead? What did you hold on to, no matter what?
Before I sign off
Do you have any “first times” in the works?
As for me, it’s my first time burning a hat. I’ve decorated a few, but I’ve never burned one. So I got brave, bought the kit, and ordered several hat stencils.
A tip for my Cricut owners: there’s a market out there for hat stencils. They are so pricey! I just spent nearly $300 on hat stencils alone. Crazy, I know. But I really love my hats, and I want to burn, burn, burn. I figured I’d save myself a lot of time and headaches by plunging in and buying stencils made for the job. They’re reusable plastic, and they’re shaped to fit around the brim, so there’s no measuring and no trying to center the design. How nifty is that?
As soon as I finish my first one, I’ll share it here, along with a peek at a couple of my stencils, so my Cricut fans can see the shapes. There are so many ideas racing through my mind! One I’d love to have made is a simple stencil with just John 3:16 with a cross and a crown intertwined. Once I start selling my hats, I’d like to burn it underneath the brim of every one, a quiet way of spreading the good news with every hat that goes out into the world.
Until next Sunday.
